Dating red flags come in all shapes and sizes. For instance, you might be on the lookout for love-bombing tactics, excessive jealousy, mixed compatibility signals, or emotional unavailability. Another big one? Narcissism.
Narcissist personality disorder is a condition in which “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (sense of superiority in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy” occurs, as explained by Psychiatry.org. Of course, you can encounter a narcissist in circumstances outside of dating, such as work, a friend group, or among family.
But how do you tell if someone is a narcissist? There’s a new No. 1 sign to be aware of, researchers say.
RELATED: 9 Red Flags You’re Related to a Narcissist, Therapists Say.
A newly published 27-page paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology states that people with narcissistic tendencies are “frequent targets of ostracism,” which can have “severe, negative consequences.” Their results stem from a diverse collection of surveys, studies, and experiments conducted in Germany, Britain, Switzerland, New Zealand, and the U.S.
Though narcissistic personality disorder is rooted in grandiosity, these individuals can also experience heightened sensitivity. In fact, it’s not uncommon for narcissists to teeter between the two, even though grandiosity and vulnerability fall on opposite sides of the spectrum.
Researchers had the following to say about the matter: “The notion that individuals with higher levels of narcissism may be especially, or even overly, sensitive in their perception of exclusion cues is consistent with earlier findings that narcissists monitor their social surroundings carefully, with hostility and suspiciousness, and are very attentive to social cues in general, especially status-related cues.”
This can cause narcissists to feel closed off or ostracized from their peers, resulting in an influx of “social pain.”
“One of the biggest questions going into this research was whether narcissists might actually report less ostracism because their grandiose self-image could shield them from perceiving negative treatment, or whether they would report more ostracism due to heightened sensitivity to social cues,” explained lead study author Christiane Büttner to The Washington Post.
“Our findings strongly supported the latter: narcissists, particularly those high in the antagonistic, rivalry facet of narcissism, report being ostracized more frequently,” she continued.
RELATED: Why You Should Never Call Out a Narcissist—And What to Do Instead, Therapists Say.
Because “ostracism and narcissistic traits reinforce each other over time,” narcissists are historically left out of group activities or picked last. Naturally, this could lead people to recoil from their surroundings, and when peers fail to rectify the situation, narcissists feel validated in their feelings—those being socially excluded and ignored.
Per the study’s results, this can give narcissists a victim mentality.
However, Büttner explained that their trigger response may be to “become even more narcissistic,” which will likely only increase their chances of future exclusion. In other words, they’re creating a “self-perpetuating cycle.”
The approach to managing narcissistic personality disorder is a delicate balance as it can impact both your personal and social life, as evident in this published paper. More specifically, narcissism has been linked to other mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and self-harm, warned Büttner.
“Addressing these dynamics in structured ways, whether in workplaces, therapy, or social interactions, could help reduce the negative consequences of exclusion for both narcissistic individuals and those around them,” she told The Washington Post.
