Disney’s Snow White live-action remake earns 2.5 out of 4 stars from Us Weekly movie critic Mara Reinstein.
Heigh-ho, heigh-ho. Unless you want to distract a child for a few hours, Snow White is a no-go.
Take it as a faint compliment. Considering the exhaustive controversy and the deafening bad buzz (with a scaled-back Los Angeles premiere to show for it), Snow White had the makings of an epic Cats-like disaster. But like too many of these Disney live-action adaptations, it’s merely a safe, serviceable yet forgettable piece of entertainment with the leisurely pace of a Space Mountain line on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Fear not: The magic mirror, evil queen, square-jawed love interest, poisoned apple and chirpy animals all have their moments. And all remain effective fairy-tale touchstones. The lovely titular character in her striking yellow, blue and red dress sings like a lark about hopes and dreams. In fact, despite the Internet trolling — wah, this movie is going to be a radical, progressive statement! — Snow White can’t transcend its old-timey vibe. Minus the not-quite-enchanting contemporary CGI.
Rachel Zegler and Gal Gadot Attend ‘Snow White’ Premiere Amid Controversies
The beguiling Rachel Zegler is our raven-haired heroine (a first for a Latina). As a sprightly princess, Snow White was poised to rule her kingdom with kindness. Then her mother dies of illness. Her heartbroken father rushes to remarry. After he’s killed in battle, poor Snow White is left beholden to her powerful and vain step-monster (Gal Gadot). In the animated 1937 original, Snow was 14; Zegler boasts the wide-eyed wonder to tap into the character’s innocence.
Surely your inner-child remembers what happens next. Once the evil queen’s talking mirror (Patrick Page) informs her that Snow White is now the fairest of them all, she orders a huntsman (Ansu Kabia) to take her stepdaughter deep into the woods and kill her. Snow White runs off and ends up rooming with seven dwarfs. During her journey, she also falls for a standard-issue bandit named Jonathan (Andrew Burnap). Though Zegler has long-declared that her Snow does not stand around and wait for her prince to come, the two flirt with each other — good-natured teasing, of course — and seal their relationship with a life-saving kiss before storming the castle. So there!
That two-hour narrative is padded by way of new songs from Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, the EGOT-winning duo from La La Land and The Greatest Showman. Zegler belts out a soaring anthem called “Waiting on a Wish.” But too few of the numbers feature the zip and quips of something from this century. For better or worse, the songs seamlessly fit in with the relics like “Whistle While You Work.”
Now let’s talk dwarfs. In our year 2025, there’s no ideal way to implement Snow’s elderly helpers without the obvious cringe factor. (Peter Dinklage complained about their existence during the film’s pre-production.) Solution: Director Marc Webb (The Amazing Spider-Man) reconfigured them as computer-generated figures voiced by the likes of Tituss Burgess and Andrew Barth Feldman. The result is, um, strange. The dwarfs kind of resemble gnomes collecting dust on your nana’s shelf. Offensive? Honestly, no. They’re not especially charming, either. A little subplot involving Dopey will only make adult audience-goers grumpy and sleepy.
So, what is the biggest fail of all? A witless screenplay that doesn’t even try to appeal to the grown-ups in the room. The evil queen is iconic for her obsession with beauty and insane jealousy of the young woman destined to dethrone her. Once upon a The Substance, if you will. With her imposing stature, form-fitting sequined costumes and bedazzled, dagger-shaped fingernails, Gadot is an admirably intimidating presence. Why isn’t she rewarded with a single line of winking or vampy dialogue?! The humor instead comes via eye-rolls like the resident hunk introducing himself as “I’m Jonathan Princess . . . I’m Jonathan, princess. Princess is not my last name.” (Greta Gerwig reportedly tinkered with the script at one point. She isn’t credited.)
There is a traditional happily-ever-after, complete with a worthy message on inner-beauty. A happily-ever-after for Snow White is more unlikely. Back in 2012, Mirror Mirror turned the story into a campy comedy starring Julia Roberts. Snow White and The Huntsman cast Kristen Stewart as a tough warrior launching into battle. Neither film could compete with the majesty of the groundbreaking classic and remain out of the pop-culture zeitgeist. For all its charms (and harsh backlash), Snow White faces the same issue and ultimately feels like just another checked box in Disney’s mission to do-over its animated library.
Someday, our prince will come in the form of a dazzling original effort. Until then, it’s back to the drawing board.
Snow White opens in theaters on Friday, March 21
