OnlyFans model I’ve spent £3,000 on makes me feel desired unlike my wife – & now I’m tempted to meet this gorgeous woman

I HAVE fallen for a woman on the OnlyFans website who makes me feel sexy and desired.

To date, I’ve paid out nearly £3,000 on subscriptions and ­private messages and it’s been money well spent as she gives me the attention my wife doesn’t.

Now I’m really tempted to meet this gorgeous woman but, at £350, the cost is getting steep and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to afford the family holiday.

I’m 45 and my wife is 47. We’ve been married for 20 years and have twin sons.

My wife has never been the most passionate lover but we used to have sex a few times a week. I was happy with that.

However, since she turned 40, things have become dull in the bedroom, almost robotic.

Whenever I suggest we have an early night, she agrees — then I’ll find her, knee-deep in something else like washing the dog.

I started feeling rejected and lonely, so I turned to OnlyFans.

At first it was just for a look. I would watch a couple of videos, then get on with my day.

Things changed when I discovered a stunning woman.

She’s curvy, brunette, and 28.

Her looks and bubbly personality reminded me of my wife when we first met.

I sent her a private message and she replied within minutes.

She sounded thrilled to hear from me and said I sounded really sexy. It boosted my confidence.

I immediately sent my wife a flirty text, hoping for a similar response. She replied after three hours, just asking me to pick up some milk.

When my OnlyFans habit got expensive, I started doing extra hours at work but the costs are starting to catch up with me and I’m getting into debt.

I don’t know what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: Whenever you’ve got a relationship dilemma, it can be helpful to think: “Would I mind if my partner did that to me?”

Would you mind if your wife spent time and money chatting up strangers online? And would you mind if she met them for sex? If you would, then there’s your answer.

You are feeling rejected and unloved but looking outside the marriage won’t help.

You say this other woman gives you everything you need, but the fact you were drawn to her because she reminds you of your wife speaks volumes.

Instead, look inside your marriage. What’s changed, and how can you fix it? Lots of couples have differing sex drives but there are ways of managing that – read my support pack about that.

It’s also important to ensure your wife gets as much enjoyment from physical intimacy as you do. Ask her what she enjoys, and try that.

KEEN TO FIND DAUGHTER I GAVE AWAY

DEAR DEIDRE: TWO decades ago, I gave my daughter up for adoption. Now I’m desperate to reconnect with her but I don’t know where to start.

I’m 36, and I’m engaged to a lovely man. We live a calm, stable life and are thinking of starting a family soon. I know we’ll be good parents.

however, 20 years ago, I was in a very different position.

I was a teenage tear­away, more interested in partying with friends than studying for my GCSEs.

So my very strict parents paid a local boy, just a couple years older than me, to tutor me in maths.

We used to study in the kitchen before my mum got home from work – but studying soon turned to sex.

Clueless about contraception, I trusted him when he said he’d take care of all that – sadly, he didn’t. He relied on the withdrawal method and it wasn’t successful. I had missed four periods before I summoned the courage to tell Mum I was pregnant.

She was furious but my dad was unexpectedly kind and supportive.

However, we agreed as a family that I could never have cared for a baby, and both my parents worked full-time. My daughter was adopted when she was just six weeks old.

I expected to feel relieved, but I’ve felt guilty and emotional ever since.

As I don’t know where my daughter grew up, everywhere I go, I wonder if she is one of the girls walking down the street.

I have so many questions – is she OK? Is she happy? Are her new parents loving? I’d love to be able to chat to her, even just once. Is it too late to trace my daughter?

DEIDRE SAYS: 

Feeling guilty and emotional is normal. Even though you had sensible reasons to give your daughter up for adoption, it is still a loss. I’m sure your own parents feel the same.

Read my support pack Tracing An Adopted Child.

The first step I would suggest is contacting pac-uk.org, 020 7284 5879. It offers support and coun­selling for anyone affected by adoption, from birth parents to children and families.

Because your daughter will now be over 18, you can ask the adoption agency to contact her and see if she’s open to being approached.

You can also note your willingness to be contacted by your daughter on the Adoption Contact Register (gov.uk/adoption-records, 0300 123 1837).

GHOSTED BY ‘FRIEND FOR LIFE’

DEAR DEIDRE: A WOMAN I thought was a friend for life has ignored my recent invitations. Have I been what young people call “ghosted”?

My friend and I met at medical school in 1982 and were very close for years. Even after we qualified and moved to different towns, we kept in touch.

I met her children and thought that we all got on very well.

But when I invited her to my retirement party, she didn’t even reply.

Then, more recently, her husband died and I wasn’t invited to his funeral. Have I been ghosted?

DEIDRE SAYS: In the time you’ve spent fretting about this, you could have picked up the phone and had a chat with her.

Is she OK? How is she coping with the loss of her husband? How is her health? Does she still like big parties or would she prefer a cosier catch-up?

Ignoring someone is called “ghosting”, yes. You’ve got the word right, but you might have got your friend’s intentions wrong. Pick up the phone and talk, instead of jumping to conclusions.