DEAR DEIDRE: BEING compared to my girlfriends’ exes in terms of penis size makes me feel so inadequate that now, if I want sex, I pay for it.
At least prostitutes don’t judge me.
I’m 42 and single. I have no trouble attracting women, but once we go to bed together, everything goes downhill.
My penis isn’t tiny. I’ve measured it both flaccid and erect, and when I’m aroused it’s a good six inches.
But my two most recent sexual partners told me their exes were at least eight inches long. And it’s clear they preferred that.
My last girlfriend was really into me until we had sex for the first time. I couldn’t wait to take her to bed. We kissed passionately before sex and she told me how much she wanted me.
But after intercourse, she seemed to withdraw. And then she got out of bed in the middle of the night to sleep on the sofa.
The next day, she admitted I hadn’t satisfied her, and so she didn’t think we should continue to see each other.
She denied it was the size of my penis that was the problem.
But I know that isn’t true. She’d already mentioned that her ex was so big it sometimes hurt.
I think it’s a myth that size doesn’t count, but women are never honest about this.
Now I feel depressed because there’s nothing I can do to make my penis bigger.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Being constantly rejected after sex must be extremely upsetting and damaging to your confidence.
But while I agree the women you’re sleeping with aren’t being honest, I don’t believe it’s in the way you think.
That’s because you’re actually slightly better endowed than the average man, whose erect penis measures between 5.1 and 5.5 inches long.
It’s statistically impossible that every one of your partners has slept with a man with an eight-inch member. Only about one in a hundred men is this big!
Perhaps the issue is more about your self-esteem, which could be affecting your performance and may be putting women off.
Next time you meet someone, resist the temptation to ask about her exes. Focus on foreplay – and read my support pack, Exciting Foreplay.
My other packs, Raising Self-esteem and on Penis Size, should also help you with your issue.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
I’VE GONE OFF SEX NOW HE’S TURNED INTO A FREELOADER
DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my boyfriend stopped paying his way, I’ve gone off sex with him.
He owes me a lot of money and barely contributes anything in rent and bills. I feel like I’ve lost respect for him.
I’m 32 and he’s 31. We’ve been a couple for four years, and living together in a flat I own for two.
Last year, I lent him £25,000 to set up a business. He is slowly paying me back.
But he’s only putting £350 a month towards our mortgage and bills, while I pay well over double that.
Our sex life has taken a dive, mainly because I don’t feel attracted to him any more. It’s been over six months since we were intimate.
I wonder if I’d be better off single as he isn’t contributing anything to my life.
DEIDRE SAYS: When finances and overall contribution are unequal it can create imbalances in a relationship.
Your boyfriend owes you a lot of money, and he’s also not pulling his weight.
This has left you feeling resentful. You’ve also lost respect for him. It’s no wonder you’re not in the mood for sex.
If you want to save your relationship, you need to have an honest conversation with him and come up with a plan so that he can pay his way.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you to do this.
Releasing your pent-up frustrations might kickstart your sex life.
CANNOT ESCAPE PUSHY WOMAN
DEAR DEIDRE: SITTING in my block’s communal garden is no longer a pleasure because my annoying neighbour won’t leave me alone.
She spies me sitting there from her window, then comes to talk to me.
It’s driving me crazy, and – short of being rude – I don’t know how to keep her away.
I’m a 62-year-old divorced woman. I live in a lovely mansion block with beautiful communal gardens.
I go out there for some relaxation time.
But my neighbour, who is a few years older than me, seems to think I want to chat to her about her bunions or plumbing problems for hours.
She also knocks on my door to ask for things – any pretext to chew my ear off.
I don’t want to be mean, but I have a busy life and many friends. I just want space.
Short of selling my flat, what can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your neighbour sounds lonely. But you’re not a charity befriending service and are entitled to some alone time.
You need to be firm but fair. Attempt to set some boundaries.
Next time she disturbs you, say you don’t mean to be rude but you value your own space sometimes. Then suggest a cup of tea in the gardens at an agreed time.
If you don’t want to answer the door to her, either pretend you’re not in or say, “I’m sorry, but it’s not a convenient time”.
IS SPLITTING UP RIGHT FOR US?
DEAR DEIDRE: BREAKING up with my boyfriend seemed like the right thing to do, but now I feel so awful I’m wondering if I’ve made a huge mistake.
I don’t fancy him, or even like him much any more, but we have a child together. Should I give things one more chance?
We’re both in our late thirties and have been together for ten years.
We have a son, who’s seven.
I’ve been unhappy for a long time, but the other day something just snapped in me. I asked him if he was happy and, when he said he wasn’t, and complained about the way I treat him, I said we should break up.
He agreed, but told me we would be ruining our son’s childhood and future. Since then, I’ve felt terrible. I honestly thought this was what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure.
Is it normal to have doubts?
We haven’t told our son or anyone else that we’re splitting yet, so it’s not too late to change my mind
DEIDRE SAYS: Breaking up, as the song goes, is never easy.
If you expected to feel deliriously happy, then perhaps you were fooling yourself. You’ve been together for a decade. That’s a hard habit to break.
Don’t get back together just because you’re having doubts or for your son’s sake – children are better off with happy, separated parents than in tense, unhappy homes.
Sit down together and discuss what’s best for everyone. It may be that you can make your relationship work again, but it will take effort and change from you both.
See my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship.
But if you’re sure it’s a lost cause, discuss how to split amicably, then give yourself time to grieve for the relationship.
