STARING up at the long eyelashes of a giraffe’s head, I wonder if I’ve mistakenly walked into an African safari lodge . . . in Wiltshire.
But as I survey the luxurious lobby — with cosy couches and tinkling piano music — I decide it’s just what I need to soothe my Glastonbury hangover.
Less than 50 miles from Worthy Farm, The Old Bell Hotel in Malmesbury is the perfect spot for some post-party pampering this summer.
Tucked away in the shadows of the 12th-century Malmesbury Abbey, which once had the highest spire in Europe, The Old Bell first opened in 1220 and lays claim to being the oldest hotel in England.
Unlike other Cotswolds hotels, which, let’s be honest, can sometimes be a little twee, The Old Bell is like the circus has come to town.
Owned by Texan antiques dealer Whit Hanks and his wife Kim since 2021, in a few short years, they’ve turned it into a gorgeous, if a little eccentric, country hotel.
Ancient honeyed stone walls, mullion windows and draping wisteria give way to a quirky, colourful interior.
The decor can only be described as whimsical and fun.
Think monkeys swinging from the wooden beams in the bar, faux animal heads in the lobby and botanical-themed wall coverings everywhere.
It’s a delight. And even more so as we’re welcomed by cheery staff offering a hair-of-the-dog glass of fizz.
The hotel has 34 rooms spread across the main building as well as in the adjoining coach house, all named after folk who have a history with the place.
Like the rest of the hotel, the rooms are maximalist in design, with vibrant, colourful wallpaper and quirky, antique furniture.
Our room was a delight, dominated by a vast, comfy bed covered in a rainbow of soft throws and cushions, while a menagerie of monkeys and peacocks danced across the wallpaper.
The beautiful furnishings included huge gilt mirrors, a restored antique desk with a baby blue vintage telephone and a cosy armchair perfect for gazing out of the window.
The fancy Victorian bathroom featured a big, deep bath and was packed with lovely local Bramley toiletries and a Dyson hairdryer.
While I was there to recover from festival fever, the location in the southern Cotswolds meant there was plenty to see and do in the area.
Flying monk
The helpful team at The Old Bell can arrange a guided tour of the King’s gardens in nearby Highgrove House, a visit to Westonbirt Arboretum or paddleboarding at Cotswold Water Park.
However, it’s just as nice to potter around Malmesbury.
This year the historic market town was named as one of The Sunday Times’ Best Places To Live and I can see why.
Alongside its grand old abbey, it has the full set of cutesy tea rooms, gift shops and bougie boutiques but also a cool craft beer scene thanks to The Flying Monk Brewery and Tap Room.
And it’s not short of history either. The town is the oldest borough of England and former home of Athelstan the Glorious, who was crowned the first King of England in 924.
It’s also where the famous flying monk, Britain’s first aviator, came from.
In the 11th century, a local Benedictine monk called Eilmer claimed to have seen Halley’s comet in 989 and 1066 and decided he wanted a piece of that sky pie.
He fashioned himself a pair of wings and threw himself off a local tower, gliding for some 200 metres before crashing and breaking both legs.
You can read more about this legend in the Athelstan Museum.
Malmesbury has a clutch of proper pubs serving food, but dinner at The Old Bell is a must.
We treated ourselves to the Chef’s Menu at its Abbey Row restaurant, a five-course tasting menu with hand-picked Orkney scallops, Cornish turbot, Iberico pork and Wagyu sirloin.
After a good night’s sleep in a proper bed and a Malmesbury full English, it turns out the road to a festival recovery leads directly to Malmesbury.
GO: Malmesbury
STAYING THERE: Double rooms at The Old Bell, with breakfast, cost from £210 per night. See oldbellhotel.co.uk.
OUT & ABOUT: Visit the Athelstan Museum (athelstanmuseum.org.uk) and Westonbirt Arboretum (forestryengland.uk).
MORE INFO: See discovermalmesbury.life.
