LUCINDA Bray was on a Microsoft Teams call when she felt a warm sensation between her legs.
“I was thankfully working from home but I was mid-sentence when I was acutely aware something felt ‘wrong’ down below,” the 37-year-old, from Carlisle, Cumbria, tells Sun Health.
Lucinda Bray has lost bowel control, meaning she has faecal accidents when she’s least expecting it[/caption]
The smell that followed left Lucinda certain she’d had a faecal accident – with no warning, and no clue why.
“I remember thanking technology for it being a Teams chat and not an in person meeting and the relief no one else could smell what I could was huge.”
When the meeting finished, Lucinda showered and threw away the clothes she was wearing and the cushion she’d been sitting on.
“There was no sign anything had gotten to the cushion but I was paranoid there would be a smell,” she recalls.
“Nobody else had any idea what happened but I was terrified of it happening again. I avoided going for in-person meetings for a while after that.”
But it wasn’t the first time Lucinda had an accident, and it won’t be the last.
She is one of around 6.5 million people in the UK who experience bowel incontinence, according to Bladder & Bowel UK.
The figures are even higher when it comes to urinary incontinence which affects around 14 million people.
Dr Masarat Jilani, Resident Doctor at Jude, says: “Faecal incontinence is when someone loses control of their bowel movements, which can mean small leaks or full loss of control.
“It’s also more common than people think but is unfortunately rarely talked about due to embarrassment.”
Lucinda’s condition has cast a shadow over everything. Work, holidays, dating, and even taking her child to the school gates are all a dread for Lucinda, who has become isolated in fear of leaking.
“I think people think faecal incontinence is what happens when you actually do a poo in your underwear but mine’s been more about leaking,” says Lucinda.
“Imagine having diarrhoea, the really water kind, that has a much more potent odour than solid poo, which is bad enough.”
It means every day of Lucinda’s life, she lives in fear of an accident.
Currently she it happens every couple of months. And when it does occur, the persistent odour puts a halt to her day.
She talks about one accident she had on the school run, saying: “There’s a leak, I’m wearing a pad, it should be fine. I can feel all the other parents looking at me, I feel like I can see them wrinkling their noses.
“And then I have to walk home again and it chaffs and I can smell it, so others must be able to too. So I go and clean myself up and start the day again.
“But now I think all the parents I passed know. And I’m anxious about going back, thinking they’re all talking about me.
“But I’m single parent there’s no choice. I should be able to manage walking my kid to school, it’s less than half a mile.”
Lucinda hopes that by sharing her experience, the subject becomes less taboo.
I have to use an irrigation device daily that takes around 30mins in the morning. It sounds and smells horrendous. My poor son has to hold his nose to brush his teeth an hour later.
Lucinda
“It’s impossible to underestimate how much it affects my life,” she says.
“I’m a managing director of a company so I can come home and change my clothes if it happens at work but having to factor it into everything I do is really hard.
“You feel like you can’t get the smell off too even when I’ve showered and changed clothes.
“I keep a change of clothes in my car at all times now too after an incident at a motorway services, before I had reached out for help.
“I was driving for a couple of hours on my way to a work event, my stomach was getting sore. It felt like trapped wind, but, as anyone that has ever had diarrhoea before will know, that’s not safe assumption!
“So I went to the next services and as soon as I stood up out of the car, I could feel myself leaking.
Lucinda is speaking out about her experience to break the taboo – she is one of around 6.5 million people in the UK who experience bowel incontinence, according to Bladder & Bowel UK[/caption]
“I dashed inside to the toilet, thankfully I have a radar key so was able to access the disabled toilets, and it had started running down the inside of my legs.
“I didn’t have a change of clothes with me and just had to wipe up what I could.
“My trousers weren’t soaked through, but there was residue on the inside and it has a distinct smell, even after wet wipes.
“I turned around and went home. This is one of the reasons try to avoid big conferences. The travel there and then all the sitting in the same position, I worry what will happen when I stand.”
‘Can you imagine leaking poo during sex?’
Dr Jilani says a lot of people live with the condition for far too long before seeking help. But he adds: “Incontinence is treatable and often manageable.
“The right treatment depends on the cause, so getting advice early really matters.
“Pelvic floor physiotherapy is a great first step.
“Lifestyle changes, medication, bladder or bowel training, and in some cases surgery can all help.”
Lucinda’s incontinence started in 2018, but it wouldn’t be until 2022 that she asked her GP for specialised incinonntece helps.
She says: “I have a device I’ve been given by the hospital that basically flushes out my bowel so I can go on about the day and not worry about leaking.
“I have to do a procedure every morning on myself that’s like a colonic irrigation.
“It does still happen sometimes though, so there is still a paranoia there.”
It makes dating impossible.
What are the signs of bowel incontinence?
Bowel incontinence is when you cannot control when you poo. See a GP if you think you have bowel incontinence as there are treatments that can help.
You might have bowel incontinence if you cannot control when you poo. Symptoms of bowel incontinence include:
- poo leaking out without you being able to stop it
- feeling like you need to poo, but not being able to get to the toilet in time
- not being able to get fully clean after going to the toilet
- seeing streaks or stains of poo in your underwear
See your GP if you think you might have bowel incontinence, or you have changes in your poo that are not getting better.
They might examine you by feeling your tummy, feeling inside your bottom or asking for a poo sample. They might also refer you for more tests, such as blood tests or an ultrasound scan.
“To be able to go two to three months without experiencing any leaking, I have to use an irrigation device daily that takes around 30mins in the morning.
“It sounds and smells horrendous. My poor son has to hold his nose to brush his teeth an hour later.
“Can you imagine getting to the point of someone staying over and the options for the day ahead are an hour bathroom routine that will put anyone off their food for a day, never mind anything romantic, or risk stomach pains and an actual pooy leak at somepoint in the day?
“That’s not touching on how actually having sex impacts everything. There’s pain for one thing, that’s mostly what ended my last relationship.
“And now I have a huge fear of having some kind of accident. Can you imagine leaking poo during sex? Would you ever want to go near that person again?”
I used to be embarrassed about it and hated talking about it but I know from support groups I’m not alone.
Lucinda
Lucinda’s last relationship was in 2021, before she had reached full incontinence. But the issue was already taking it’s toll.
“My main issues were stomach pains, bloating and constipation,” Lucinda says.
“I was put on a lot of laxatives and had to start daily enemas. Days became about where and when I could use a toilet.
“They were very caring and understanding but we were both single parents so it was hard enough to find time as it was, without needing to plan toilet access.”
“I’ve decided I won’t have a relationship. It’’s too difficult for people to accept, even my own family find it hard to talk about.”
Common causes of incontinence
Dr Jilani says childbirth is a common cause of both urinary and faecal incontinence.
“Either type of incontinence [urinary or bowel] can be caused by weak pelvic floor muscles, nerve damage, or pressure from things like childbirth or surgery,” he says.
“Causes can include muscle or nerve damage, constipation and bowel conditions. Conditions like MS, prostate issues, and chronic constipation and lifestyle habits can also play a role. Often, it’s a mix of factors, so getting properly assessed is crucially important.”
Lucinda doesn’t know the cause of her incontinence.
“I was told when it first started happening around 2018 it was down to childbirth but my son was born in 2016 so I don’t think it was that,” she says.
“Initial investigations found a small bowel prolapse but by 2019 I couldn’t evacuate my bowels unless I did it manually.
“I’ve been offered surgery, I’ve had MRIs, X-rays… I’ve had what’s called a defecating proctogram but there’s no specialist that’s been able to tell me what the cause is.
“I’ve even been told it could be down to a genetic condition too but I’m hoping one day I’ll have an answer as to what’s caused it so I can get it fixed.”
While Lucinda is still under investigation, she can’t access the right treatment that will cure her condition.
“The next investigation is an internal exam under anaesthetic so I’m hoping that’ll give me some answers,” she says.
“I used to be embarrassed about it and hated talking about it but I know from support groups I’m not alone. I just wish I could have it fixed though.”
