FOR all the sweet talk and the blowing smoke up each other’s ar**s, there’s a Trump train speeding down the tracks towards Ireland.
Micheal Martin’s trip to see Trump for the annual Paddy’s Day bowl of shamrock nonsense was a far more serious affair this year than it’s ever been.
There were the usual platitudes, the shamrock socks, the green ties, the blouses and trousers.
But the stakes on this Paddy’s Day visit to the White House were high, extraordinarily high.
The future strength and health of the Irish economy depends on what Trump decides to do with little old Ireland in the weeks and months ahead.
Trump has a bee in his bonnet about the ‘massive’ trade deficit that he says exists between America and the old sod.
He’s not wrong. The latest Central Statistics’ Office accounts show that while Ireland does have a big trade surplus with the US in terms of goods (meaning we sell more goods to the Yanks than they sell back to us), this is offset by a large trade in services going the other way.
Our trade surplus in goods with the US was €70 billion in 2024.
However, when it came to services, Ireland imported €163 billion more in services from the US than it exported, giving Ireland an overall trade deficit with the US of €93 BILLION.
No wonder Trump called it ‘massive’ during his Oval Office ‘love-in’ with Micheal.
He told our taoiseach: “We have a massive deficit with Ireland. You took our pharmaceutical companies through low taxation. Very smart.”
But he vowed to sit down with Martin and hammer out a deal, adding: “We’ll work together. We’ll put that right.”
Martin nodded. What else could he do?
Yep, he would do everything behind closed doors that’s needed to smooth out any edges that exist in the Ireland-American relationship.
“I don’t wanna hurt Ireland,” Trump reassured.
“We want fairness and he (Martin) understands that.”
What fairness means to us, is a different thing entirely to Trump.
There are only winners and losers in any deals Trump hammers out.
And he ALWAYS wins.
Knowing St Patrick wasn’t very far away up there, Trump did his own plamásing, telling Martin: “It’s the European Union, not you. I’m not blaming you.”
He might not be blaming us, but we’re part of the European Union, so if he does move against the bloc with tit-for-tat tariffs on everything from services to pharmaceuticals and big tech, there is damn all we can do to counter it.
All Martin’s inveigling won’t change the reality of the big shock that’ll wash over us.
Make no mistake, Trump tariffs are incoming, IN SPITE of Ireland and America’s close ties.
Nothing’s going stop us being on the receiving end of a financial thunderbolt, unless Trump does a reverse ferret, as he has done on a few occasions with Canada and Mexico recently. That’s our only hope.
The threat of tariffs has the stock markets jittery. That may soften Trump’s bark.
Then again, it may steel him to double down.
As Martin spoke to Trump on Wednesday, the EU announced €25 billion in counter tariffs on the US after Trump raised tariffs on EU aluminium and steel to 25 per cent.
It’s a taste of what will probably transpire over the next while, until, that is, Trump cops on to the lunacy of trade wars in this already volatile world of ours. Or he doesn’t.
He’s so unpredictable, you never know what is coming next.
Martin’s performance in Trump’s midst was entirely acceptable.
What he could control, massaging Trump’s ego, he did with aplomb.
So diplomatically gracious was he, that he had Trump saying all the right things (enough to pull the wool over our eyes and the millions of Irish Americans too) . . . Don: “Oh, I think the Irish love Trump.
“I got the Irish vote. I think I got it locked up pretty good, unless I did something stupid like drain your country of all of its companies (referring of course to the big tech giants and the countless pharma firms).
“Maybe I’d lose the Irish vote.”
But he wouldn’t care. He can’t run again, remember.
“The Irish are great fighters,” he went on, feeding into the usual stereotypes, “you know why? They’re tough and smart.”
We may be tough and smart, but we won’t be able to escape the Trump crosshairs when he comes looking for a slice of Ireland’s €93 BILLION trade deficit pie.
Anyone who thinks he won’t is living in cloud cuckoo land.
UNITED IN LAUGHTER
MAN United have had a shocking season.
And if the three teams who came up from the Championship, Leicester, Ipswich and Southampton had been a bit better, the Reds would’ve been flirting with RELEGATION.
Fans hate the owners, The Glazers. They also don’t have much time for Jim Ratcliffe, CEO of INEOS, who took over 29 per cent of the club last year.
Since INEOS assumed control of the football side of things, they’ve cut left, right and centre.
One of the richest clubs in the world shutting its staff canteen to save a few quid isn’t a great look.
Morale inside the club is understandably on the floor.
And the immediate footballing future looks decidedly grim.
Both manager Ruben Amorim and Ratcliffe have questioned the players’ appetite and ability.
Despite all the dark clouds hanging over United, Ratcliffe this week unveiled plans for a brand new 100,000 seater stadium.
Which, from the moment it was unveiled, attracted an avalanche of scorn and ridicule.
It looks like a circus tent, which is apt given the way the club is currently run. ‘Going Clown, Going Clown, Going Clown’ was the brilliant Sun headline on Tuesday.
United fans deserve better.
Under the current joint ownership of the Glazers in the US and Radcliffe in the UK, they’re not getting it.
And as long as they continue at the helm, United will stagnate.
PARADE WILL BE TEETOTALLY GREAT
THE only people that are welcome to attend the Paddy’s Day parade on Monday are teetotallers.
Those who like a drop on our national holiday aren’t welcome.
The cops have decreed all off-licences to SHUT for the duration, not to open until 4pm later that afternoon.
It’s a bit much, really.
Yet again, the sins of the few gurriers who can’t take a sup without causing mayhem are spoiling a day of craic for the majority who can imbibe without puking, causing criminal damage or rioting.
Paddy’s Day has never been one for seasoned gulpers. Anyone who enjoys a few without making a mess of themselves generally stays at home.
That’s because the pubs will be full to capacity with people who’d get drunk on a wine gum and their snotty-nosed kids with sticky hands from pop.
METRO COSTS OFF THE RAILS
IF you think the colossal spend on the new children’s hospital (€2.3 billion and counting) was bad, gird your loins, folks; news filtered through this week that the single line Metro for the capital is expected to cost an astronomical €23 BILLION by the time it’s built in 2035.
We’ve been talking about a Metro system for Dublin for more than three decades now.
Many, grandiose plans have been published. Countless planning applications have been lodged at an estimated cost of HALF A BILLION, yet not one shovel has broken earth. Nor will it, ever.
The Metro plan – much needed, yes – will never see the light of day.
Spiralling costs aside, the state is simply incompetent when it comes to building huge infrastructure.
I read this week that in the late 1990s a Japanese consortium told the government they’d build an X-shaped, two-line metro in Dublin FOR FREE, in return for running the thing for 25 years.
Imagine if the clowns in government back then had bitten?
They didn’t have to wait to see the benefits then.
They still don’t today.
TOP TIPS OF THE WEEK
TOP Tips Of The Week (courtesy of Viz magazine, a stash of which I found in an old suitcase on Monday).
Single men: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside Topshop with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
Employees: Only use the loo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you’ll also be getting paid.
SHOW ME SOME STEEL
KEEP an eye out for yours truly on Sky Sports this Sunday.
I managed to bag tickets to see the Steel City derby, kick-off 12.30pm.
Problem is I’ll be in Hillsborough’s Leppings Lane end, under the fans of the mortal enemy, Sheffield United.
As one Wednesdayite put it: “Good luck not being showered in ‘p*** and s***’.
I’ve packed me cagoule, to ward off the inevitable.
The game, a 42,000 sell-out, promises to be a highly competitive affair.
Wednesday sit 10th in the Championship, just five points off the play-offs.
United are second, fighting desperately for automatic promotion.
We owe them a hiding. Has been seven years since we beat the Blades at Hillsborough.
We triumphed 2-1 that day.
I travel with great expectations of a win or a shower of poo.
