LYING down with her legs up against the wall, Tanya Bennet had decided not to get her hopes up about falling pregnant this time.
The 36-year-old had now tried two times to get pregnant with a cup of her friend’s semen and a Calpol syringe – none had succeeded.
For Tanya, a marketing manager from Telford, Shropshire, the clock was ticking for her to become a mum, but after coming out of another failed relationship, she had lost all hope of finding the one to have a child with.
Two years ago, Tanya was in a relationship and fell pregnant at the age of 34, she decided she was ready to be a mum even if it wasn’t planned.
Tragically, Tanya had a chemical pregnancy – a pregnancy loss that happens before the fifth week.
Speaking exclusively with Fabulous, she says: “After that, I was like, okay, I’m ready to be a mum now, I need to have a baby.
“It’s so weird. It’s like something just ticks in your head and you’re like obsessed with it. So then I got pregnant again.”
Unfortunately, Tanya had another miscarriage at seven weeks, leaving her feeling like motherhood would never happen for her.
She then found herself single once again and soon decided she would try for a baby without a man.
“I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t like men. They do my head in. I decided then I was going to have a baby by myself basically,” she adds.
“I’m not waiting. I’m not giving up my chance of being a mum to wait around to try and find the perfect boyfriend that doesn’t exist,” she adds.
“I am financially stable, I’ve got my own house. You get a lot of help as a single person for childcare.”
Donor Finder
Tanya then had the task of finding a way to get pregnant without the opposite sex.
She decided to look into sperm banks and IVF, but it was way too pricey at £1,500 a pop.
“Obviously the plus with that is that it’s been vetted and you can kind of choose traits and features and whatnot. But that wasn’t an option because that was £1,500 per go,” she explains.
Tanya then went down a rabbit hole and found Facebook pages where men were offering their semen for free to women in need and she decided to take a look at what was up for grabs.
SPERM AND EGG DONATION RULES
DONATED sperm and eggs are used in IVF for people who cannot have their own biological children due to fertility issues.
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority estimates one in every 170 children born today is conceived with the help of a donor.
It is illegal for donors to be paid in the UK, to prevent people doing it for the wrong reasons or prospective parents from being exploited.
Men aged 18 to 46 can donate sperm
- They must go through medical checks to make sure they do not have blood-borne diseases or genetic defects that could be passed on to a baby.
- You cannot donate anonymously. If a child is born using your sperm, they will have the right to know who you are when they turn 18, but you do not have a legal responsibility to look after them.
Women aged 18 to 35 can donate their eggs
- They must go through medical screening for illnesses, genetic problems, and some clinics will not allow obese or otherwise unhealthy women to donate.
- You can donate eggs to someone you know but there are strict rules against mixing sperm and eggs within families.
- Egg donation is the same as the early stages of IVF treatment, and the donor has to take hormonal drugs to stimulate the production and maturation of the eggs before they are removed using a needle.
- You cannot donate anonymously. If a child is born using your egg, they will have the right to know who you are when they turn 18, but you do not have a legal responsibility to look after them.
She explains that she had friends who were lesbians use the group to get pregnant and decided it was the right path for her.
But not long after joining the group and sharing her story, she found there was a grim side to being a single woman looking for a donor.
I know that sounds so bad but I could not wait this time to have a baby for it to look like the flippin sperm donor.
Tanya Bennett
She quickly got messages from at least ten men offering their ‘help’ on the condition that she would sleep with them to get pregnant instead of providing the semen.
“There were the kind of weirdos that wanted to do natural insemination instead of artificial, and then there were the people that I just didn’t want my baby to look like that sperm donor.”
“I know that sounds so bad, but I could not wait this time to have a baby for it to look like the flippin sperm donor.”
“I don’t want to have sex with you. I just need the sperm,” she continues.
DIY Job
Fortunately for Tanya, she had a male friend who was willing to help her out after hearing her story
“I was just getting frustrated because every single month that was going past, I was getting older,” Tanya says. “So in the end, my friend gave me the donation.”
Tanya and her friend meet up three times to impregnate her, using an ovulation tracking app to see when it would most likely work.
Can you imagine all the seedy stuff that goes on in there?
Tanya Bennett
As the pair was doing it at home on their own terms, they often met at her house or in hotels to get the deed done.
“So I did it at home and it’s pretty much kind of, you know, the old turkey baster way,” she explains.
“He just goes and does what he’s doing in the toilet, brings me the pot and then I just go and syringe it into the Calpol syringe and just put it in.”
The last time they met, Tanya made her way to a hotel where he and his boyfriend were staying for the night.
“Can you imagine all the seedy stuff that goes on in there? It’s funny,” she adds.
She then waited for him in his bedroom while he finished collecting the goods in the bathroom and then took the cup.
Tanya was sure they were too early for the sperm to make contact with the egg, but she still went through the process, keeping her legs high to help it swim up.
“They say that doesn’t help,” Tanya says, “But in my brain I was like no, that helped all right.”
“We were just laughing about it as I’m just sat there fully clothed with my legs up.
“And I’m like ‘Right, well that’s my 15 minutes done. I’ll see you next month.’
“It is literally that transactional.
“It didn’t feel weird because he’s my friend.”
Despite being skeptical she’d fall pregnant, Tanya checked a pregnancy test and found her dreams had finally come true.
“When I went for my 12 week scan, they said that I’d actually ovulated four days early and I was four days ahead in my pregnancy,” she says.
“So it actually turned out to be the exact perfect time.”
Going It Alone
While the pair are friends, they have decided that Tanya will be raising her son alone.
She revealed that later in life, if he asks, they are open to telling him who his dad is.
To be honest, I’d rather be a much happier mum to this baby than be stressed out and having a boyfriend that doesn’t live up to expectations.
Tanya Bennett
Tanya continues: “He’d almost be like the uncle or a friend. It sounds so bad but I think in a way it’s so much better knowing that actually two people really really wanted you.
“And he wanted to help me as a friend, rather than I was with a man and a man can’t be bothered to look after his kid and has abandoned his child.”
As for the future, Tanya says she doesn’t plan to have another child or boyfriend.
“I think I’m gonna be one and done but only because I’m gonna be nearly 37 by the time I have him and in my head I think ‘Well, I can take this baby on two holidays a year,’ whereas if I have another kid who knows how long it’s gonna be till I get pregnant?” she says.
“It’s gonna be way more expensive with two kids.”
“To be honest, I’d rather be a much happier mum to this baby than be stressed out and having a boyfriend that doesn’t live up to expectations and I’m just being let down when I can just go and have a baby by myself.”
She adds: “My message to any kind of woman that is contemplating how they’re gonna have a baby and thinking they need to wait around for Mr. Right is to just do it by yourself.
“You’re gonna be, in my opinion, happier and less stressed.”
