ONLY Manchester City’s meltdown has saved tonight’s Champions League bonanza from becoming the mother of all damp squibs.
When Uefa revealed their grand plan for one monster 36-club league to replace the group phase, this was supposed to be a red-letter night.
With 18 matches kicking off simultaneously, it was a feast of football, enough to melt the remote controls of goggle-eyed supporters across the continent.
And yet only City’s clash with Club Brugge holds true jeopardy for both clubs.
Etihad boss Pep Guardiola’s fallen Premier League champions need to win, while their Belgian opponents need a draw to avoid elimination.
Had this been a normal campaign for City, there would be little English interest in tonight’s proceedings.
Instead, Pep’s men have lost at Sporting Lisbon, Juventus and Paris Saint-Germain while squandering a three-goal lead at home to Feyenoord, so it is ‘game on’ in Manchester.
This new format — the most-hyped ‘Swiss model’ since Ursula Andress stepped out of the sea in Dr No — was supposed to make it nigh-on impossible for Europe’s richest clubs to fail to progress to the knockout phase.
Yet City have contrived to make a serious hash of it all and ended up in the elimination zone along with the usual suspects from Eastern Europe and the Alps.
And the prospect of elimination for the 2023 European champions is the only true intrigue in the mammoth fixture list.
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We’ve had 126 matches and in essence it’s been an ocean of largely meaningless filler content for the TV schedules.
While adding to fixture congestion, viewer fatigue and player burnout at many elite clubs who face a month-long Fifa Club World Cup next summer.
FA Cup third and fourth-round replays were scrapped to accommodate this monstrosity — with non-league Tamworth missing out on a rematch with Tottenham.
And the two legs of the Carabao Cup semi-finals are being played FOUR WEEKS apart — meaning most neutrals will have forgotten the first-leg results before the return matches are played.
This Champions League format bastardises the whole idea of league football — the idea that every team in the table plays each other.
And while seeding is meant to balance out the ‘weight’ of clubs’ fixture lists, true sporting integrity has been lost.
Fans have struggled to grasp the complexities of the format — the top eight go directly to the last 16 in March, while the next 16 face a two-legged play-off, with only the bottom 12 dumped out.
Three more of tonight’s games — Aston Villa’s Battle of Britain with Celtic, Lille v Feyenoord and champions Real Madrid’s clash at French club Brest — all represent a sort of shootout for a place in the top eight.
But even that does not bring the jeopardy of elimination from the event, those who fail to gain automatic qualification only face an extra round.
The most likely result of the night would be a draw between Stuttgart and PSG, who would both progress to the play-offs.
So what could bring back genuine excitement to Europe’s elite club competition?
How about a straight knockout competition like the original European Cup?
As if anyone at the top table would vote for danger when they can grow fat on the proceeds of ever-increasing TV filler instead.
By Dan King
UEFA sold the idea of expanding the Champions League from 32 to 36 teams, with each playing eight games instead of six in the opening phase, as a way of creating more competitiveness and excitement.
The biggest clubs would have two matches against their peers, rather than having to wait until the knockout stage to meet.
The smaller clubs would meet teams of a similar level twice and have a chance of tasting victory that was so hard to achieve if you were the bottom seed in a group of four.
Ignoring for a moment the fact that the real motivation was the simple equation of more games = more money, the theory itself already looks flawed.
None of the matches between European giants has delivered a compelling contest yet.
And why would they? At the start of the long season with more matches in it, why would any team with ambitions to win things in the spring, go out all guns blazing in the autumn?
Especially when they know they have six games NOT against big sides to make sure they accrue enough points to qualify at least for the play-off round (and even more games).
There is even less jeopardy than before.
Read the full column on the Champions League format fail and why everyone – including YOU – needs a rethink.
GUESS what – it’s not just fellas who fancy a bit of how’s your father, or even grandfather, with a younger lover.
Experts at the University of California surveyed more than 6,000 men and women aged 22 to 85 and challenged received wisdom by finding that both sexes enjoy being the older partner.
The researchers say that while women often tend to settle down with older – and maybe wiser or richer – men, it can be a different story when it comes to intimacy.
Professor Paul Eastwick, who led the study, said: “This will be shocking to many.”
In new erotic thriller Babygirl, Nicole Kidman, 57, plays a CEO who romps with a young intern.
Similarly, Madonna, 66, is 38 years older than her latest toyboy, soccer player Akeem Morris, and Cher, 78, has 40 years on music-executive boyfriend Alexander Edwards.
It can end in marriage, too.
Actress Priyanka Chopra, 42, is ten years the senior of rocker husband Nick Jonas, while film director Sam Taylor-Johnson, 57, is 23 years further down the road than actor husband Aaron.
Here, Kate Mulvey, 62, who has dated 15 toyboys and is the author of How To Date A Younger Man: The Cougar’s Guide To Cub Hunting, tells why dating toyboys beats any anti-ageing cream . . .
LAST year I met a man 20 years younger than me and the sex with him was mind-blowing.
He reignited the long-lost libido in me and I felt like I had won the Lottery.
I found somebody who took me to places I had never been before.
The sexy kitten in me had been hidden under domestic drudgery but he pulled her out.
He was more appreciative and less resentful than men my own age. He was also physically fitter — at the peak of his maleness and full of youthful testosterone.
I soon stopped obsessing over grey hairs and bought new, flirty underwear.
When it came to the moment of truth, there was some anxiety.
I got undressed the first time with my back to him. But for these men it’s not just about body parts — they see something exciting, sophisticated and thrilling.
I was worried about disrobing in case he expected me to look like a porn star.
But keeping on a bit of lace does wonders for male desire.
It’s not a jungle down there but I told him what he was seeing was natural.
It helps to have a sense of humour about these things — getting embarrassed is not a good look.
Now I always keep a bottle of wine or champagne chilling in the fridge to help smooth over those moments.
I had always dated age-appropriate men until my mid-forties.
But when my fiancé failed to set a date for our wedding, I called off the engagement and joined up with a dating agency.
I’d got sick of him rubbernecking every time a blonde young enough to be his daughter walked through the door.
And then one day he said, “Your breasts are fine but a bit droopy” — and that was fatal.
I went on one date with a divorcee my own age but when he clumsily lunged at me in the back of a taxi, I pulled back in disgust and he said: “You’re no spring chicken.” That was it.
After a couple of family bereavements, and menopause, I was feeling like a dried-up old prune, and my ego was on the floor.
He unleashed my sexy side and reminded me it’s not all over.
Kate Mulvey
But very quickly my inbox was flooded with romantic missives from younger men.
At first I couldn’t believe it — but they idolise you.
We might see an old hag in the mirror but they see something exotic and different — they see a goddess.
I had resigned myself to living like a nun but am now having the last laugh. A 23-year-old man charmed me, wooed me and made me feel giddy.
He unleashed my sexy side and reminded me it’s not all over.
As older women, we have something to teach young men, and the whole dynamic is like a breath of fresh air.
I felt self-conscious at first but he soon banished all my hang-ups about my body and I felt desirable again.
If you go cougar-hunting you have to turn off the body noise and stop being afraid to show yourself off.
We danced in a cocktail bar, and even though nobody else was dancing, he wasn’t embarrassed — he said he felt proud of me.
We laughed and held hands in the street.
We snogged for ages, and I couldn’t believe what I had been missing.
But be prepared for rival cougars sharpening their claws — statistics show 25 per cent of women over 40 have dated a younger man, so there is plenty of competition out there.
I understand why.
While men older than me tend to shuffle, my toyboy would swagger into a room and grab me for what I called the throwdown — a way of pulling me toward him for a Hollywood kiss like in Gone With The Wind.
There was nothing aggressive about it — it was just pure sexy male dominance and all my girlfriends were jealous.
My friends said he could not possibly love me, some said it was disgusting and others tried to flirt with him — but the feelings are certainly real while they last.
I know better than to start looking at wedding dresses but I would still rather be with a self-assured toyboy with plenty of stamina than a balding pensioner with erectile dysfunction.
Relationships with older women work for them, too, because we don’t whine and ask where things are going — we don’t want to put labels on it, we just want to have fun.
A baby is out of the question. It’s less intense.
We have been around the block and understand what life’s about.
Unencumbered by angst, grocery shopping and unpaid bills, we can be spontaneous and concentrate on each other.
There was a time when older women dating much younger men was seen as a bit off-putting, despite the fact that for yonks men have been stepping out with girls as young as their granddaughters.
Chubby Jack Nicholson and Leonardo DiCaprio frolicking in the waves with women 30 years younger didn’t even raise an eyebrow.
But fast-forward to today and, hallelujah, it’s a brand-new world.
The dynamic has been flipped on its head, and now we are looking at the emergence of younger men dating older women — and for some of us that’s a badge of honour.
Young men are gorgeous and now, at long last, women are smashing the oldest taboo.
SNARING your young stud is one thing, but keeping him interested can be quite another. So here are five hot tips for the older woman . . .
HARRY KANE could be robbed of a Champions League fairytale this year unless Bayern Munich learn to defend better, according to Owen Hargreaves.
This season’s final will be staged at Munich’s Allianz Arena on Saturday May 31, 2025.
The last time the Bavaria venue held the showpiece occasion was back in 2012 but Munich lost on penalties that night to a Didier Drogba-inspired Chelsea.
The Bundesliga leaders are in 15th place in the expanded 36-team Champions League table, having conceded 11 goals in seven games, including three at Feyenoord last week.
While England captain and Munich striker Kane, 31, could fire them through the knockout phases, their defence is clearly an issue and needs tightening up under new boss Vincent Kompany.
Hargreaves, 44, played for seven seasons in the Munich first team and was in the starting XI when they beat Valencia on penalties at Milan’s San Siro in the 2001 Champions League final.
Speaking on behalf of TNT Sports to promote watching live sport in pubs, the ex-England midfielder said: “It’s that old adage in American sports – defence wins championships.
“I think it’s true. You have got to defend well.
“Bayern are easily one of the most talented teams in the competition. Possession-wise, shots-wise, they are right at the top.
“But the only problem is they play such an aggressive style. They press really aggressively.
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“We saw it in their defeat against Aston Villa at Villa Park. We saw in the 3-0 loss at Feyenoord. There is space if you play quickly over the top, to counter them.
“I don’t think I have ever seen a team win the Champions League being that open at the back.
“Even Pep Guardiola, with the brilliant football he plays, had to evolve to win the Champions League and played with four centre backs.
“Bayern could win it but they have got to be a bit tidier at the back.
“Bayern approach the game now under Kompany in a super aggressive way, and they score goals.”
Hargreaves – a European football analyst for TNT Sports – joined Bayern as a 16-year-old and won four league titles before moving to Manchester United under Sir Alex Ferguson in 2007.
He added: “There’s pressure at a club like Bayern, you are expected to win every game. I am talking about literally every game. Every Saturday, every Wednesday.
“They know they are not the best team in the Champions League. They proved that against Feyenoord.
“Even though they have one of the most talented squads, they are not favourites. Liverpool are the favourites.
“Then you’ve got Inter Milan, Real Madrid and Manchester City if they can defend better. There are a lot of teams in that bracket below Liverpool.
“Bayern could do it. If they get the balance right.
“It will be interesting to see if Vincent tweaks it a bit for the knockout stages.
“The style puts a lot of pressure on the centre-backs, Kim (Min-jae) and (Dayot) Upamecano, to get it right all of the time.
“One mistake is costly and you are out. I think they can win it if they tweak the way they are playing.”
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