IT must be a p**s-take. Has to be, surely? I’m still rubbing my eyes in disbelief. Go on out of that. Yiz are messing.
But no, it’s true, all of it.
The Nee Naw is Dublin City Council’s latest ludicrous spend[/caption]
Dublin City Council is rolling out a “welfare van” called the “Nee Naw” to provide the pampered generation with a “safe place” to go should they feel “unwell”, “overwhelmed” or just want to “regroup” on a night out.
Yes, a van for lovies who are triggered easily. Maybe the music was too loud, or you got a bad pint, or you lost your comfort teddy?
Bless their fractured souls. The modern world has officially crawled up its own arse.
The Nee Naw is a pilot initiative funded by the Department of Justice.
It all starts tonight when the Nee Naw (who came up with the name It’s how babies describe the sound an ambulance siren makes) parks up between 10pm and 3am on the capital’s busiest strip, Camden Street in the south of the city.
The Nee Naw will be there every Friday and Saturday night for a six to eight-week period.
If it proves successful, it could become a permanent fixture across the land. God, no. Make it go away, at speed.
The Nee Naw will be staffed by a medic, a welfare officer and two security officers, one male, one female.
Why do they need bouncers on board a comfort vehicle?
Those inside promise to provide “non-judgmental support to anyone who needs it”.
‘SAFE PLACE’
Aw. How sweet.
A press release announcing the project explained that the name, Nee Naw, “was chosen to make the service feel more approachable and easier to identify”.
The world of fluffy pink clouds floats overhead.
It went on: “It’s making sure help is visible, stigma-free and easy to access.”
The Nee Naw creators have obviously done their homework. There must be a demand for a “safe place” among the grown-up babies who venture out of an evening.
If there wasn’t they wouldn’t be doing it, right?
‘JUST GOT ON WITH IT’
Excuse the cynic in me. I’m of a generation that rolled up its sleeves and got stuck in when things got tough.
We didn’t go crying to mammy at the first hint of feeling overwhelmed.
We just got on with it.
But we now live in an era where the youngsters simply can’t cope with the complexities of life.
They can barely cross the road, or tie their shoelaces, without needing reassurance and are forever “having a moment”.
‘REALITY IS TOO TERRIFYING’
Probably because they spend the majority of their time staring at a screen they fail to appreciate what’s around them: The real world, that thing you must confront and navigate, alone much of the time.
Yes, it’ll beat you up, but it’ll put iron in your soul.
“Reality is too terrifying a thought. I need my ‘safe place’,” they’ll whimper.
And we give in to this sniffling nonsense.
Dublin City Council’s Nee Naw is a product of the world-gone-mad, one that panders to the pathetic whims of a generation mollycoddled from the day they were born and turned into shivering excuses for human beings because of it.
NO CRAIC CROWD
A Nee Naw. Just contemplate it in silence for a moment. A bloody Nee Naw.
I was at a gig the other week in The Workman’s Club beside Bono’s hotel, the Clarence.
The place was packed with the generation I’m disparaging. The band, a trio of young women from Chicago called Horsegirl, rocked.
The place should’ve erupted. Everybody should’ve been dancing. I was. But I was alone bouncing up and down.
The crowd stood still, as if the music had no effect. What’s wrong with you people?
Maybe I’m just out of touch. An old man who knows nothing of modern ways. Maybe it’s me who’s pathetic.
DOLLOP OF RIDICULOUSNESS
Fine. But the Nee Naw is a giant dollop of ridiculousness.
Historians will look back on this time, shake their heads and decry how we overindulged the weakest generation ever.
When it comes to Dublin’s night-time economy, the thing that needs serious surgery, a Nee Naw is as useful as an empty pint glass when you’re parched.
It’s the licensing laws they need to concentrate on.
The previous government promised an overhaul, but of course nothing happened. De rigueur.
Night spots remain in a strait jacket as a result of their indolence.
NANNY STATE
The new lot in power will fail too because they’re scared stiff to allow clubs and bars to open until 5 or 6 in the morning, if they want.
The Justice Minister, Jim O’Callaghan is a man of action. He supports the modernisation of the liquor laws, but many others in government are like a snuggle of sloths when it comes to action.
They worry about the demon drink. The anti-drink lobby holds sway in cabinet and it is holding back Dublin’s night-time potential.
Until we elect a government that treats adults like adults and allows them to decide how and when they’d like a drink or a dance, we’ll continue to live in a nanny state that thinks spending cash on bloody Nee Naws is worthwhile.
VILE VYLAN
BOB Vylan’s repulsive anti-Israel chants at Glastonbury and Kneecap’s support for a soon-to-be-outlawed group called Palestine Action are the subject of police investigations in Britain.
If they had said what they said, or wore what they wore, here, in Ireland, the cops wouldn’t have launched an investigation, because we don’t have hate speech laws here and you can say pretty much what you want, no matter how revolting.
Which is what free speech is all about. No?
MAYA MAKES IT WORTHWHILE
OVER the course of 58 days this June, July and August, millions of people will take out their brains to tune into the blancmange emptiness that is Love Island.
Meathead meets the cosmetically ludicrous. The only saving grace is Maya Jama, who sparkles even when she’s not on screen.
Sparkling Maya Jama is Love Island’s only saving grace[/caption]
An Irish girl entered the villa this week too. Exciting. Her name is Bilikis Azeez and she’s an influencer.
Of course she is. Who among the pampered generation isn’t an influencer?
THE POOR REDNECKS
US President Donald Trump managed to force his $3.3trillion Big Beautiful Bill through the Senate this week.
The package will CUT taxes for wealthy Americans, while cutting healthcare programmes, especially Medicaid, leaving 12million more (poor) Americans uninsured.
Donald Trump managed to force his $3.3trillion Big Beautiful Bill through the Senate this week[/caption]
The bill will also CUT, by 20 per cent, food stamps for 40million who live in poverty.
The bill also rows back federal government supports for clean energy.
Tax credits for building wind and solar energy projects will be axed, as will grants for Americans to buy heat pumps and electric cars.
All those cuts will be used to pay ICE (US Immigration and Customs Enforcement) to deport more “illegals” and build more of the wall on the border with Mexico.
Billions of dollars will be diverted away from social programmes to build more jail cells and Trump’s Golden Dome missile shield.
The bill is black and white theft from the poor to give to the rich.
All those poor rednecks who voted for Trump are going to see what their choice really means in the months and years ahead.
VLAD DIRT ON TRUMP
AT a time when they need it most, America has shamefully turned off the tap on military aid to Ukraine.
Since the beginning of June, Russia has been engaged in ferocious nightly barrages of Ukraine’s cities.
Ukraine needs air defence systems to survive the withering bombardments. And it is running out of them at a fast rate.
Which makes Trump’s decision to stop the supply of patriot missiles to defend Kyiv, Kharkiv and Odesa astounding.
As is his mean decision to withhold vital targeted artillery that Ukrainian forces need to hold off the Russian barbarians on the front lines.
The decision makes it all the more plausible that Putin has dirt on Trump, and he is a Russian asset at the top of the American tree.
How else can you explain it?
BIG PLANS, NO CHANGE
AN Bord Pleanala is now An Coimisiun Pleanala. Won’t make a blind bit of difference to the speed with which decisions are arrived at, mind.
It was revealed this week that the Government forked out an extraordinary €76,921 on the name change.
They splurged €22,041 on new signage and a further €18,450 on consultancy about the signs.
The spend also included €18,450 on a radio ad campaign; €5,380 on a new sign installation cancellation fee (whatever the hell that is); €6,363 on newspaper notices and €3,637 on the change of name on the corporate seal and rubber stamps.
That’s some wad of cash on a frivolity. But it’s what we expect from those in charge of the public purse, largesse
HOTTEST SPORT ON WHEELS
MOST of Europe – us NOT included, of course – has sweltered in a heatwave for much of the past two weeks.
Temperatures topped 43°C in parts of France, Spain, Portugal and Italy, breaking June records by some distance.
The world’s best athletes will compete in Tour de France[/caption]
Even across the water, England sweltered in temperatures that topped 34°C. Wimbledon had its hottest-ever opening day.
Here we had to make do with a high of around 23°C.
Pleasant, but not hot.
Thankfully, on Wednesday, the super-high temperatures abated across much of the continent.
The world’s greatest athletes, professional cyclists that is, must be breathing a sigh of relief.
The Tour De France begins tomorrow. Temperatures in Lille, home to the first leg of the 21-stage, 3,320km slog across France, reached 37°C earlier this week.
BEST BIKE RACE
When they take on the 184km parcours tomorrow, the cyclists will compete in a more manageable 25°C. Grand.
The two best cyclists in the world right now, Slovenia’s Tadej Pogacar and Denmark’s Jonas Vingegaard will fight all out to be top dog.
Pog is the favourite, at 2/5 with the bookies, but Vingegaard might be worth a flutter.
He’s a respectable 5/2 to land the yellow jersey.
Whoever wins, this year’s instalment of the greatest bike race in the world promises to be an enthralling affair.
Settle in for three weeks of guaranteed drama and a free trip around the glorious sights of France.
