IT looks like a complicated four-way relationship.
But these two couples say their bond is so close they are totally happy swapping partners for sex.
Swingers from left: Amy, Ben, Emily, Darren[/caption]
Emily said: ‘I never expected this when we got into the swinging lifestyle’[/caption]
Amy said: ‘What’s not to love? We’re all super-close friends with the added benefit’[/caption]
IT’S “double date” night for best pals Amy Barr and Emily Spice – and together they crack open a bottle of wine with their husbands.
Like any other close friends, the women share everything from make-up and clothes to their deepest secrets.
But it doesn’t end there, because they split one more thing that most women would never dream of — sex with their fellas.
After watching a film, Amy, 43, sidles up to Emily’s husband Darren.
She strokes his thigh and, rather than being angry, Emily, 31, sees this as a cue to kiss Amy’s other half Ben full on the lips.
Sparks fly and it isn’t long before Amy leads Darren, 33, by the hand into a different room, while Emily and Ben follow their lead and head to another.
Soon, both “couples” are having sex — hearing their spouses enjoying themselves from afar only adds to this foursome’s fun.
‘Strong marriages’
Emily explains: “It’s incredibly sexy, you get to have the other person all to yourself, but with the added excitement of hearing your husband having fun and letting your imagination run wild about what he’s doing. And it’s even naughtier than witnessing it.”
This rather unusual arrangement started three years ago, and Amy and Emily have swapped husbands regularly since — there’s not a whisper of envy among them.
Amy — who lives with wind turbine engineer Ben, 41, and her teen children near Margate, Kent — says: “People ask if we worry that we’ll fall for each other’s husbands, but of course we won’t. This is just fun and sex. I’ve never had a friend like Emily before — she’s ‘my person’.
“We both have strong marriages. It’s easy to compartmentalise it. Darren and I are completely incompatible. I’d drive him mad in a relationship — I’m always late to everything and he loves a routine.
“And Ben and Emily are far too similar to each other — they’re both quite headstrong. Our marriages work just the way we are.
“Swapping partners enhances everything. We’re swingers anyway, but it’s only with Darren and Emily that we do it in separate rooms — that’s how much we trust them.”
Emily, a tattoo artist and content creator from Croydon, South London, agrees: “We are all amazing friends — that’s what really bonds us. The sex is just an extra.
“Amy and I also have sex with each other as we are bisexual, but the boys don’t play one on one.”
Having sex with multiple partners has recently been on the rise.
Swinger’s club
This foursome are two of a growing number of couples turning their backs on traditional, monogamous relationships.
According to research by dating app Hinge, one in five users “would consider” trying out an open relationship, while one in ten has already been involved in one.
The couples met at a swingers’ club in Maidstone, Kent, in August 2022.
They didn’t have sex that night, but the women got chatting and swapped numbers.
Soon, they were swapping husbands, too.
Amy explains: “We’d gone along to find out what it was all about after watching a TV show about open relationships.”
Initially, Emily and Amy sparked up a friendship. Four months later, they had their first swinging night together. They meet up regularly and the women say it’s friendship that ties them together, not sex.
“That’s secondary to the fact we all get on really well,” says Emily.
“We’ve seen each other through everything. In January 2023, security guard Darren had surgery in Lithuania to remove loose skin after he lost a lot of weight.
“He nearly died while he was there as he had a previously undiagnosed blood condition. He needed ten transfusions and four emergency operations.
“Amy and Ben were my rocks — on the phone constantly, keeping me company and reassuring me.”
According to the latest figures, 11 per cent of women and 33 per cent of men are now open to welcoming a third person into their relationship, and over a million of us admit to enjoying group sex.
Emily, pictured with Darren, said: ‘Our lives have become so entwined, we love sharing everything — especially our husbands’[/caption]
Amy said: ‘Swinging has brought us closer together. You can only do it if you trust each other completely’[/caption]
Depending on how the mood takes them, these two couples have sex around twice a month.
“We pre-plan if we’re going to play together or in separate rooms as we need to all be in the right frame of mind,” says Emily.
“We’ll set a timer for an hour and only play for that long and text the group chat when we are done.”
Amy says: “They are the only couple we trust enough to do this with. A lot of enjoyment from swinging comes from witnessing your partner’s pleasure. And you feel safe as you’re part of the action and can reach out and touch the other person and see how they’re feeling.
“But we know each other so well that we felt able to push the boundaries further.
“It adds a different element if you can’t see what’s happening. It feels more illicit, especially if you can hear the moans of pleasure. The sex I have with Darren is intense, but it is just sex.”
Swinging has brought us closer together. You can only do it if you trust each other completely
Amy
Emily adds: “I have a slight BDSM side to me which I explore with Ben as it isn’t something that comes naturally to Darren. I enjoy doing something different, but there is no connection with us.
“If there is a twinge of insecurity then we talk about it openly.”
Emily and Darren discovered swinging shortly after they got married five years ago.
“Prior to that, I’d only slept with one other man,” says Emily.
“Since then, I’ve played with 117. It started soon after our wedding. We went to a naturist resort just to enjoy being naked in a hot tub. The venue turned into a swingers’ club at night.
“We ran away when the action started, but both of us were curious so went back the next night and it went from there.
“But you can only do it if you’ve got a strong marriage. It’s a misconception that people do it because they’re bored of sex with their partner. Our sex life has always been amazing.”
Our lives have become so entwined, we love sharing everything — especially our husbands
Emily
Amy adds: “Swinging has brought us closer together. You can only do it if you trust each other completely.”
Whatever happens, Amy insists she will be Emily’s friend for life. She says: “We love each other’s company. We’ve all been away to swingers’ events.”
Amy adds. “Last year, we rented a cabin in Kent and spent the weekend reading, cooking and gossiping. Though at the end of the night we did all have sex with each other.”
Emily adds: “Our lives have become so entwined, we love sharing everything — especially our husbands.”
Ben says: “What’s not to love? We’re all super-close friends with the added benefit of having great sex with each other.”
Darren adds: “I never expected this when we got into the swinging lifestyle.
“When I talk to vanilla friends, some people say they couldn’t do it as they’d be too jealous. But others think I’m really lucky.”
HONESTY KEY FOR COUPLES
By SALLY LAND, Sun Relationship Expert
IT’S entirely possible for couples to make an open relationship work as long as they are secure in themselves and neither are the jealous types.
It’s also crucial that both partners are strong communicators – regularly checking in with each other and working through any issues.
I’m not saying non-monogamy can’t work but, judging from the contents of my mailbox, once you add in a third, or fourth, person, relationships become a lot more complicated and regularly crumble.
Plenty more people are willing to try opening up their relationship but that doesn’t mean it’s a better option.
We hear a lot from people who enjoy swinging and swapping but we rarely learn about relationships and families that break up when swinging and non-monogamy goes wrong.
Of course bringing a new partner into a relationship will make it more sexually exciting, but all relationships are complicated and I’m not sure that’s worth gambling with – especially if you have children.
My support pack Non Monogamy explains a lot more.
If you would like some free advice from me and my counselling team, please email us on deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk.
