My young lover said I reminded him of his mum as we kissed… it was such a turn-off and I’m thinking of dumping him

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner’s passing comment while we were kissing and cuddling turned my stomach – and made me seriously think about dumping him.

We were both getting turned on when he said I reminded him of his mum. To say it killed the moment is an understatement.

There is a significant age gap between us but I want to be his partner, not his mum.

Besides, I’ve met his mum. She might only be nine years older than me but she looks and acts like an old lady. I was insulted.

I am 41, he is 28 and we’ve always had a brilliant sex life.

We have been very happy for nine months and he made it clear he wanted me right from the start.

We see one another most days and our feelings have grown over the months.

He would love to move in with me but I worry about my children, who are only 18 and 15.

They get on well with him but I have concerns about our age gap.

He says I remind him of his mum because I make him feel loved and secure.

He insists he doesn’t see me as a mother figure. Still, I am worried about us living together.

If it doesn’t work, the emotional upheaval for me and my children would be devastating.

Are relationships like ours ever successful?

DEIDRE SAYS: There are lots of couples who do have happy, lasting relationships, despite their age difference.

While age gaps, where one partner is in their late teens or early twenties, raise serious concerns of a potential power imbalance in the relationship, your boyfriend is in his late-20s and will have significant life experience.

As for the future, there are no guarantees in relationships. He may change down the line. And, of course, so might you.

Many of us are drawn to people who remind us of a parent without realising it, primarily because we find them comfortable and familiar.

It is time to clear the air and discuss your concerns with your boyfriend.

The main issue for age-gap relationships is when the couple are at different life stages.

So talk about whether he wants marriage and children of his own. These are important issues to iron out before getting more involved.

My support pack Age Gaps – Do They Matter? will help.

FIANCÉE SCORED WITH RUGBY PAL

DEAR DEIDRE: I KNEW my fiancée got on well with a close friend of mine – but I didn’t think they would end up secretly having sex.

I’m 29, she is 26 and we’ve been together for four years. I met my friend through our local rugby team. My fiancée often comes to watch our games, standing on the touchline cheering us on.

The two of them got on well but nothing more. We have been talking about starting a family and decided over Christmas we would be happy if she got pregnant. But a short time later, she started to get depressed and upset.

I thought she’d changed her mind about wanting a baby, but then she broke down in tears and admitted she had cheated on me with my mate. I was gobsmacked, but she insisted it was a stupid mistake and she still loves me.

She has apologised numerous times but doesn’t show any real regret.

I can’t help but think if she really wanted to be with me, she would be begging for forgiveness.

But she refuses to talk about what they did.

I want to believe her when she says that it won’t happen again.

She has suggested we have some space apart, but surely we need to be spending more time together if we are going to make it through this.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been doubly betrayed, but your girlfriend doesn’t seem to understand how shocked and hurt you are.

You are dealing with her infidelity, and also the fact she has sexual feelings for your friend.

It is possible to get over an infidelity but being apart will solve nothing. Is she suggesting having some “space” so she can back away if she has a change of heart?

She needs to be committed to your relationship and to reassure you that this is what she wants.

At the very least, she owes you honesty. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.

HOPE FOR BABY IS IGNORED

DEAR DEIDRE: DESPITE always knowing I want more children, my partner keeps going on about having a vasectomy.

I am 34 and he is 35. We have been together for five years. He already has a daughter from his previous relationship and we have a son together.

They get on well together, but I would love my boy to have a full sibling.

I don’t like vasectomies because they go against nature. My partner just laughs when I tell him this.

He doesn’t seem to value my opinions or my feelings.

I am on the Pill but I feel as though he doesn’t trust me enough to take it.

I love him but he ignores my longing for another child. How do we get past this?

DEIDRE SAYS: While I understand your desire to have another baby, it wouldn’t be right to force this on him. It wouldn’t be fair to him or the child.

When one partner wants more children and the other doesn’t, it can be a deal breaker. Does your partner really want the snip? It’s all very well to talk about this but going through with it is a different matter.

Tell him that being denied another child will hurt you deeply.

Ask him why he is so against the idea and make sure he understands that a vasectomy is final.